1. The first one seems really forced. “LOL” would normally be pronounced as either “ell oh ell” or “lawl”, not “Lowl.” So, that’s pretty forced, but I guess it works. That joke is terrible, though. There are many door bells in the live of a door-to-door salesman.

    As for the second one, any comic that points up the stupidity and uselessness of TSA will always be a winner in my book.

    Did you expect the Deathmatch to be such a blowout? The lead is growing quickly.

  2. Not sure I get the TSA one. It’s funny because Death has no nails and therefore has no need for clippers?

  3. @MarkM: It’s because Death is carrying a badwording huge scythe and the TSA guy is concentrating on its nail clippers. Also because the scythe literally represents death itself, and he’s worrying about tiny nicks from clippers.

  4. I think that the guy who wanted to award the “No-Bell” prize meant that salesmen should be prevented from being able to ring them, perhaps even to the point of using “Death” as a method of prevention (which seems a little extreme).

  5. Re TSA: I’m a diabetic and travel with needles and vials of liquid in my carry on luggage. Have I ever once been questioned about this? Nope. Never. But I have been pulled aside and questioned about a small bar of soap. It was under my collection of syringes.

  6. @ Stan – After my last trip to Washington I brought back a number of Ivory soap bars in my hand luggage. The guy who performed the “sniffer” test explained that soap looks just like plastic explosives on the x-ray monitor.

  7. When I was coming home from Texas last year, I had the ticket stub from a Rangers game in my shirt pocket, and the TSA agent yelled at me and gave me an extra pat-down, as if I’d ben trying to smuggle weapons to Osama bin-Laden. He didn’t seem to accept my explanation that I’d forgotten to take it out of my pocket because it was a scrap of paper weighing about as much as a dust mote.

  8. What made this more insane was that they ignored the Star of David around my neck, which has six points that are actually sharp enough to be weaponized.

    We’re not talking about Shuriken-sharp, of course, but certainly more dangerous than a thumbnail-sized piece of paper.

  9. I once got pulled over crossing between Canada and Maine, and there was a wrapped gift for my baby nephew from my mother-in-law in the trunk. I had no idea what it was, so when asked, I said so.

    Big mistake. This led to over an hour with the boarder guards huffing and puffing about this unknown package which they’d confiscated, and them asking the same questions again and again and again in an attempt to wear me down, I suppose. Then they made me fill out a very long form. At the bottom, it said “Name:_____”.

    As it was ambiguous, I asked whether I should sign it, and he said sternly, “You sign it if you’re telling the truth!”

    I was sooooo tempted to ask for a new form because I had lied all through the first one, but border guards aren’t known for their senses of humour. I kept my mouth shut and signed.

    Turns out there was some baby dishes and utensils with bunnies all over them in the package.

  10. Stan – the summer between high school and college husband and his 3 close friends from high school drove to Canada on a trip. Coming back they were stopped at customs coming back from Montreal. Okay, so they are early 1970s long haired guys of 18-20, one of them long haired (and he is also gay).

    Customs tore apart the car when they came back to the US. The seats were removed, the trunk carpet taken up, etc. They were questioned extensively – “Where did you get that camera?’ “Macys” “Which Macys?’ ‘Roosevelt Field” Then when the customs agents were finally satisfied that they were not smuggling anything they said okay you can go. They did not reassemble what they had taken apart – and this is not a group of guys who know about cars.

    (Remember this is told to me by Robert – I was not there (if I was they probably would not have had the same problems).

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