1. “Say, do you know why an elephant has four feet?”

    “…and a scotch rocks for Mr. Weinstein.”

    “Do you think that outfit makes her look fat?”

    “I’m fine unless he turns pink.”

  2. If you’re being served by a bunny, what’s wrong with having an elephant as a seat-mate?

  3. “Tell us more about those Jumbo Drinks you claim to specialize in.”

    Or something about it being a peanut bar?

  4. @ Shrug – I was about to suggest “Can we get a bowl of peanuts?“, but I’m afraid that might be the original caption.

  5. My colleague told me to hang out with someone with a bigger nose so mine doesn’t look so big.

  6. Edit alert: The reveal was originally promised for Friday afternoon, but has been moved up to today (Thursday).
    I’ll be looking forward to it after I get back from my dental appointment.


  7. [Raises hand]. I went to a gaming conference at the Playboy Resort Hotel in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, shortly after I turned 18. Somewhere there is a picture of me with an arm seemingly around a bunny’s waist, although in actuality it was behind her and not touching her, which would have been verboten.

  8. I lived a short walk from the Playboy Club in Boston but I never went there. I thought about joining but I could not think of a single good reason to join. I go alone when dining out, and don’t like to overpay for a meal.

  9. How did I miss this?

    — “Of course she’s over twenty-one. She just forgot her ID.”
    — “At these prices, you won’t see many more elephants in here.”
    — “It’s crazy. I only appear when he gets drunk.”
    — “Tell the piano guy to play ‘Baby Elephant Walk’.”
    — “My friend here pointed out that animals, including bunnies, don’t wear clothes. It’s something you might want to think about.”
    — “It’s none of your damn business. Just bring a bucket of wine for the lady and keep ’em coming.”
    — “To train them, you start by developing a rapport, a relationship …”
    — “Wait a minute. You say the cosplay convention was in town LAST week?”
    — “Two cocktails, one straw.”
    — “Yes, three beers. Ethel is sitting in Shorty’s lap.”
    — “My client wants the management to explain why an 800-pound gorilla can sit anywhere he wants to, but an elephant has to have a reservation.”
    — “He’s a never-Trumper. But for heaven’s sake don’t call him a RINO.”
    — “If my buddy says he wasn’t the one who trumpeted, that’s good enough for me.”
    — “I sez to Joey, fix me up with a model. Irma here poses for editorial cartoons.”
    — “That was years ago. He had an ear job and now he’s in real estate.”
    — “Look, he doesn’t have fingers. How could he have pinched you?”
    — “Calm down, miss. He clearly said, ‘Look under the table for my PEANUTS’.”
    — “This Lenny Bruce guy. He doesn’t do elephant jokes, does he?”
    — “Trust me. If it was anything but a trumpet we’d all know it.”
    — “Whaddyamean, symbols of BOTH parties?”

    My own vote to Mark in Boston. Short, elegant, and implies a story.

  10. Very impressive, MinorAnnoyance! I thought the best one was the most precarious one viz our no politics ban here, but it was extremely clever without being partisan in anyway, really.

  11. Andréa – raised hand –

    I had my second drink in the NYC Playboy club with friends from college at a yearbook convention there. (I had my first drink the night before at the Statler Hilton where we were staying and yes, I was of legal age.)

    Went back there a number of time with Robert when we started dating – he had a Playboy key and I had a Bunny key (free with his key). He went to their hotel resort in NJ with some of his guy friends and did not enjoy being there without me so he went back and took me with him.

  12. At the Statler Hilton I ordered a Stilton Hatler for Stalton Hitler…
    (Stalin Herttlo couldn’t quite make it.)

  13. “…but surely that’s not an anagram, that’s a spoonerism.”

    “If you’re going to split hairs, I’m going to piss off.”

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