Author / phsiii

by phsiii

It’s a miracle!

JMcAndrew sends a set of related cartoons:

The last two are obviously just different versions of the same joke from the same cartoonist, even if they’re 14 1/2 years apart. I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing or not.

These all remind me of an axiom I was taught long ago as a relationship test: Have lunch at your prospective partner’s house and ask for mayonnaise. If they present Miracle Whip–especially if they aren’t even apologetic about it–RUN.

Miracle Whip is to mayonnaise as carob is to chocolate. As someone else once wrote, “Carob is not an acceptable substitute for chocolate. It is not an acceptable substitute for anything except, perhaps, brown shoe polish.”

by phsiii

Eating your own dogfood?

(OK, that’s not really the right title but)

Another from JMcAndrew:

Why is he scratching himself with his foot? Is the joke supposed to be that his wife is feeding him dog meat and he’s mimicking dog behavior?

I dunno either. But it does make me think of the classic joke:

I was at the grocery store checkout buying a large bag of dog biscuits and a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. I was feeling a bit crabby, so I told her no, I was starting The Dog Biscuit Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because although last time I lost 50 pounds, I ended up in the hospital in intensive care.

Her eyes about popped out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that they’re nutritionally complete: the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with biscuits and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

Finally she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I calmly said no…I was sitting in the street licking myself when a car hit me.

by phsiii

Intense? In tents?? No idea

Random web find, at
https://www.victorianlondon.org/words/aesthetic.htm:

Text on the page:

REFINEMENTS OF MODERN SPEECH.

SCENE – A Drawing-room in “Passionate Brompton.”

Fair Aesthetic (suddenly, and in deepest tones, to Smith, who has just been introduced to take her in to Dinner). “ARE YOU INTENSE?”

Punch, June 14, 1879

100% CIDU for me. The rest of the site is interesting, including
https://www.victorianlondon.org/index.html and especially
https://www.victorianlondon.org/index-2012.htm

by phsiii

Earl who??

From JMcAndrew:

Are we supposed to know who this person is that has a giant memorial outhouse topped with a giant statue? It appears to be more like a mausoleum made out of stone.

Indeed…and no, Tha Goog doesn’t know who Earl J. Suggins was, either.

This editor’s guess is that this falls into the “This is vaguely silly and therefore funny because I have to turn in a cartoon for tomorrow and I got nuttin’ else” category.

by phsiii

Grumpy Cat

Not this Grumpy Cat:

See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grumpy_Cat if you don’t know about Grumpy Cat. Instead, today we have this from JMcAndrew:

The question is, did the cat prepare the meal? In any case, why does the cat look so mad about it? And what are “Cat Yummies” anyway? If they’re cat treats, then the cat’s expression seems particularly inappropriate. If it’s just cat food, then who served it to the man and why? Mysteries abound!

by phsiii

Looks Like He Made It

Another Ziegler from jmcandrew, who has been finding a bunch of great CIDUs of late. This one apparently dates from 1979, and OP notes:

Is the joke here just that some people don’t enjoy Barry Manilow? He’s been a consistently popular entertainer for 6 decades. Seems like a swanky gathering with a grand piano setup would appreciate his type of music.

I always confuse Barry Manilow with Neil Diamond for some reason. Which definitely doesn’t help.