1. Jelly Belly jellybeans once tried to make a pizza flavoured jelly bean. It didn’t work, but the results were very useful when they later decided they wanted to make a vomit flavoured jelly bean. For some reason, this comic brought that to mind.

  2. Even if it doesn’t burn out the motor by jamming the propeller blades, the resulting sludge would be so viscous that it would never go through a straw.
    P.S. I’m just glad we don’t own a blender, otherwise I might have been tempted to verify my predictions of the results.

  3. “If Roger thinks he’s getting away with something, this is the very definition of ‘Pyrrhic victory.'”

    I think that’s the joke. The reader would be aware of the futility of this, but the hilarity comes when Peter, who I believe is known for not being the sharpest knife in the drawer, endorses his ‘genius’ plan. It’s kind of a back-handed compliment being hailed by a doofus. They’re both stupid! Geddit? Har, har!

    I think that’s it, anyway. Maybe not.

  4. You’ve heard any number of variations of this joke before.

    I’m on a seafood diet. Everything I see, I eat.

    The doctor says I should only have ONE cup of coffee a day [holding a quart-size coffee cup].

    I eat five servings of fruit every day. 1. A glass of orange juice in the morning. 2. A piece of apple pie with lunch. 3. Some Skittles in the afternoon. 4. A banana split made with strawberry ice cream for dessert. 5. A glass of apricot brandy. Sometimes six glasses of apricot brandy so I take care of the next day too.

    I’ll have a double cheeseburger with bearnaise sauce, french fries and a donut. Oh and a diet Pepsi.

  5. I actually tried blending pizza after a jaw surgery limited me to food I didn’t have to chew. I thinned mine out a bit with milk.

    I assure you it’s every bit as gross as your imagination suggests.

    I’m convinced there may be no level of desperation that would make me try that again.

  6. It seems odd, but people will do that sort of mental cheating. I read about women who were on diets where they could have a banana “as long as from the tip of the thumb to little finger” who would then have they husbands buy them because they had bigger hands. If you want a bigger banana, just have one. If you don’t want to be on a diet, don’t be.

  7. This way, when his doctor asks “Have you been following your diet?” Roger can say “To the letter.” (And this is where Peter gets his creative streak [for avoiding work] from.)

  8. Another variation on the cheating-on-the-diet-but-not-knowing-it that I remember:
    Woman drops by her neighbor’s house (yeah, this dates it too) and finds her sitting down to a big meal. “I thought you were on a diet?” she asks.
    “I am. I already had my diet food; this is my real food.”

    Ba da BUM.

  9. I had a friend whose husband thought that he was supposed to drink SLIMFAST in addition to his regular meal. Of course, he also thought a tree without any leaves on it all summer long would still come back to life and refuse to have it cut down, so the SLIMFAST idea was typical of him.

  10. Reminds me of someone I know whose father in law was told by his doctor to limit his beer to one six pack per week. He would wait until Saturday and then drink 6 beers that evening.

  11. Andréa: I thought the same thing about Slimfast when I was a kid. I can’t remember for sure if it was Slimfast or some other product, but when I was a kid, I remember the commercials that said “A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a reasonable dinner.” The shakes looked delicious to me (like chocolate shakes, IIRC), and I thought what a wonderful diet to be on, that you got to have a shake with your breakfast and with your lunch, that could somehow remove the calories from the other foods you were eating. In my defense, I was just a kid.

    Mark M: Re: 6 pack. It’s not actually clear to me if that’s nonsensical.

  12. WW: Agreed, not sure there’s anything wrong with the whole 6-pack at once. I bet you metabolize less of it in that form than (almost) one per day. OTOH, if behavior modification is the goal, maybe it is bad?

  13. Doctors are not generally in the business of forcing you on a diet. They can suggest, but you can just say no. Or lie and say you’re following it if you don’t want to be reminded. Although if the diet is ineffective then new suggestions might follow. My doctor puts more emphasis on healthy eating rather than weight loss, which considering the “recidivism” rate of diets is probably the better approach.

  14. The 1950’s version of Slimfast was named Metrical. On TV it looked delicious. In real life it tasted horrible, like a chocolate frappe made with chalk instead of ice cream.

  15. Roger is liquefying his pizza so that at the end of the day he can honestly say, “No, I didn’t eat any pizza today.”

    It’s the lengths he’ll go to to be semantically honest with himself and his doctor/dietrician.

  16. It’s the lengths he’ll go to to be semantically honest with himself and his doctor/dietrician.

    But what does he gain? If he doesn’t want to follow the diet, don’t.

  17. Way back in Ye Olden Days, I worked at a deli-style lunch place. One of our regulars had his jaw wired shut for a few weeks following oral surgery & he would have us blend his food. Pasta dishes & our signature zucchini sandwich got extra marinara; and carrot cake went into the blender with milk. It all looked dreadful but he swore it tasted great.

    And along the same lines as the Slimfast conversation, I knew someone who would eat an entire family-sized bag of chips every night after dinner, but couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t losing weight; after all, she always bought low-fat milk…

  18. Back in the 1960s when I tried to lose weight the first time, I went to Weight Watchers. At the meeting everyone would be weighed (after the paying their fee) and then the person running the meeting would give a talk to encourage people and also discuss what people had lost or had not.

    One of the stories that was told was of a woman who kept asking if she could have a piece of cake. Finally the lecturer annoyed at being asked over and over again and tired of telling the woman that she could not have a piece of cake told her “If you want a piece of cake take it in your hands and hold it in the sink under running water for 5 minutes. Then if you still want it, you can eat it.” The idea being that the cake would look and be so awful after this that woman would not want to eat it. (Heck, 12 year old me understood this.) The next week the woman comes to the meeting and has gained weight. Turns out she thought that holding the cake under running water washed the calories out of it and had been eating a washed piece of cake every night.

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