Customer service desks (such as in banks or department stores) have a constant problem with people who walk off with pens (that’s why they are usually attached to the desk with a chain). This concept has been transposed to St. Peter’s “office” at the Pearly Gates; normally one would not expect that his “heavenly” clientele would stoop so low as to filch a pen.
@Kilby: sometimes, one does it without thinking. Almost did it last year at the post office: I was looking confusedly at the pen, wondering where it came from (“I didn’t bring a pen, did I?”), when the clerk told me “That’s mine.”
I thought he said “who keeps taking my penis?”
Lord Flatulence, to have your penis taken once may be regarded as a misfortune; to have somebody KEEP taking it looks like carelessness.
Well, this is St. Peter who’s proverbially robber to pay St. Paul, so let’s start there.
While St. Peter has to deal with all sorts, one would think that there would be maximal security at the gate to Heaven, and the one guy no one would want to steal from would be the one determining who gets admitted.
These people aren’t in heaven yet. Some of them get turned away. They are probably the ones who take the pens.
Before or after they get denied admittance? Because if before, what were they thinking? If after, then even Pete should have a pretty good idea who’s doing it…
Heaven should be handing out logo-stamped pens as a freebie souvenir.
Shouldn’t the Pearly Gates records be computerized by now? I mean, St. Peter is old enough to probably still be able to read cursive, but in every possible language? There must be an app that could help him out here.
(Related thought: in today’s DICK TRACY we learn that Tess, wife of Dick “wrist radio user for decades now” Tracy, apparently doesn’t even own a cellphone. I thought I was the last person in North America who did not.)
Shrug, they tried that, but Hell began hacking into he system.
Paula Poundstone: “My credit rating is so bad the guy at the bank wouldn’t lend me a pen to fill out the forms.”
@Shrug&CiduBill: here’s a comic featuring Saint Pierre (and death!) with his computer
It’s entitled “Passe-moi l’ciel” (=hand me heaven, a pun on “Passe-moi l’sel”= hand me the salt), by Stuf & Janry (several books).
Many years ago I worked at a large business-oriented hotel. So many people walked off with pens after signing their deposit slip that we ordered a few hundred every month or two. Management didn’t mind because they had the company logo and it seemed like good marketing.
@ ciao^5 – I remember seeing a pencil that was inscribed “This pencil was stolen from the desk of…“, which seemed like poetic justice.
The bank we use now has ballpoint pens with their name on it at a sign in desk for the platform employees and they have a cup filled with them for one to take.
Robert and I both carry small pens in our pockets. I am still carrying a space pen – he has switched to a small gel click pen. Decades before the Corona virus I read that one of the best way to avoid colds and other illnesses is not to use a pen that others use. So we carry our own pens. They get really nasty about our pens when we go to vote – my black ink pen is as good as theirs and no one else has touched it.
Comics I Don't Understand 
Customer service desks (such as in banks or department stores) have a constant problem with people who walk off with pens (that’s why they are usually attached to the desk with a chain). This concept has been transposed to St. Peter’s “office” at the Pearly Gates; normally one would not expect that his “heavenly” clientele would stoop so low as to filch a pen.
@Kilby: sometimes, one does it without thinking. Almost did it last year at the post office: I was looking confusedly at the pen, wondering where it came from (“I didn’t bring a pen, did I?”), when the clerk told me “That’s mine.”
I thought he said “who keeps taking my penis?”
Lord Flatulence, to have your penis taken once may be regarded as a misfortune; to have somebody KEEP taking it looks like carelessness.
Well, this is St. Peter who’s proverbially robber to pay St. Paul, so let’s start there.
While St. Peter has to deal with all sorts, one would think that there would be maximal security at the gate to Heaven, and the one guy no one would want to steal from would be the one determining who gets admitted.
These people aren’t in heaven yet. Some of them get turned away. They are probably the ones who take the pens.
Before or after they get denied admittance? Because if before, what were they thinking? If after, then even Pete should have a pretty good idea who’s doing it…
Heaven should be handing out logo-stamped pens as a freebie souvenir.
Shouldn’t the Pearly Gates records be computerized by now? I mean, St. Peter is old enough to probably still be able to read cursive, but in every possible language? There must be an app that could help him out here.
(Related thought: in today’s DICK TRACY we learn that Tess, wife of Dick “wrist radio user for decades now” Tracy, apparently doesn’t even own a cellphone. I thought I was the last person in North America who did not.)
Shrug, they tried that, but Hell began hacking into he system.
Paula Poundstone: “My credit rating is so bad the guy at the bank wouldn’t lend me a pen to fill out the forms.”
@Shrug&CiduBill: here’s a comic featuring Saint Pierre (and death!) with his computer
It’s entitled “Passe-moi l’ciel” (=hand me heaven, a pun on “Passe-moi l’sel”= hand me the salt), by Stuf & Janry (several books).
Moderation aside, the link probably won’t work; maybe this one:
http://dgobbe.free.fr/bd/reports/serie.php?coll=acheter&idserie=449&liste=notes
Many years ago I worked at a large business-oriented hotel. So many people walked off with pens after signing their deposit slip that we ordered a few hundred every month or two. Management didn’t mind because they had the company logo and it seemed like good marketing.
@ ciao^5 – I remember seeing a pencil that was inscribed “This pencil was stolen from the desk of…“, which seemed like poetic justice.
The bank we use now has ballpoint pens with their name on it at a sign in desk for the platform employees and they have a cup filled with them for one to take.
Robert and I both carry small pens in our pockets. I am still carrying a space pen – he has switched to a small gel click pen. Decades before the Corona virus I read that one of the best way to avoid colds and other illnesses is not to use a pen that others use. So we carry our own pens. They get really nasty about our pens when we go to vote – my black ink pen is as good as theirs and no one else has touched it.